goodbye.

Trying to write your feelings is hard, and when it's in a goodbye letter, i just can't explain it. These people I meant this weekend, were so unique it gave me a sense of the world, and how we really are trapped in this city we grew up in. I want to replay this week every week till I go to college. Sure, there were tears and fighting and drama, but it didn't matter cause we were always so happy. Sure, 3 days isn't long, but when you experience something like that with someone, it's crazy. But it only took less than 3 days to make that kind of relationship with someone, it makes you have hope. I love you guys so much you have no idea. Beth, you are so cute and adorable and soo funny, you were never not smiling and i couldn't help smiling everytime i was around you. Aidan, you tell the dumbest and most funny stories/jokes ever, I havn't laughed that hard in a while which says a lot. Adam, you are so sweet and just incredible, being around you was just so natural.........2 days. I will miss you so much.
I know in my head, that I will see you all again soon, I better. LOL out loud. :)
LOVE YOU GUYS

overpowering

Why do people need the feeling of believing they're better than you? Why can't we all be equal. Guys need the feelings of power, so they act like they don't care just so they can have the upper hand. Girls wanna be better than every other person around them. Everyone is so stuck up. The way people go about things just makes it worse. The less you talk to someone, the more you want them to talk to you. All of the little games everyone plays with each other is so tiring. Girls can't be annoying cause then there a slut. But guys treat girls like shit and get all the attention. Why can't it just be like hi i like you, your cool, lets be friends. Girls have to act like a bitch to be friends to people because that comes off as cool and everyone wants to be friends with the popular kids. People make fun of you just so they can feel a little better about themselves. I'm always happy to make someone else feel better, probably why I just laugh about every little thing someone makes fun of me for. But there comes a point when you want so badly to say enough is enough. 4 years is almost up, and I have yet to come up with the right thing to say to get my point across that I'm not always laughing on the inside when I get made fun of, cause honestly, I know people make fun of me behind my back and most importantly to my face. Sure, it's a joke. But really, can't you find something else to talk about. Something important. Or do you have to tear down someone's spirits to make yourself feel better. That's the one thing I'm looking forward to in going to college, being a normal girl trying to fit in... just like everyone else.

I'm sick of these game, probably because I am so bad at them. I do the opposite of everything, I try and play it cool and wait to text someone back, but it's all so stupid. I usually go against the rules and do what I want cause, well, I'm my own person but it's exhausting. Ever seen the movie He's just not that into you? I've learned so many lessons in that movie than some people learn in a relationship. We are all the rule, no exceptions. Every little detail we see, or feel, or hear, gets blown out of proportion because we all plays these games, and everyone plays them differently so you don't know the true ones from the fake ones. (ps, when I'm talking about everyone, i mean guys and girls) People are crazy. I can go on forever.
Peace&Love

stuck in reverse

Most people say, high school is a time for figuring yourself out, and notice how your relatives and family friends are always like, "those were the best days of our lives" well I just don't get it, because everyone I talk to in school wants to get out of this place. None of my friends are like, yeah lets all go to college together, like bullshit, I'm getting as far away as possible. The other side of the country. We are all living in this little world of ours but we are all dying to get out and see the world. And to be honest, I'm scared shitless of the world. I'm scared I won't be good enough. I'm scared I made a wrong decision in choosing where I want to go to school. I'm scared I won't fit in. I'm scared that college drama will be the same bullshit as high school drama. I'm scared of trusting people. I'm scared of opening up and getting hurt. I'm scared i could have done something different, something better. I'm scared I will realize something important, and it will be too late. I'm always stuck in reverse, and I want college to be different. I don't wanna wake up one day and regret things, I'm not one to regret things.

number one

HI. I'm very new to this, I have very little experience in writing as well because, well, i don't do much in school. I just thought maybe this will be a good way to let out some steam going through my head, I can be a very emotional person, but i keep it locked in which gets hard sometimes. My life these days isn't very interesting, mostly boring, uneventful. So these blogs will most likely not be interesting, mostly boring, uneventful. But what can you do. Right?

ANYWAYS.
Yesterday, a friend of mine took 240 of me for ap photo project. Her subject was colors of emotions. I put on 8 different color shits and each color was a different emotion. She also painted my face 10 different times like the picture. I now have a new respect for models and actors,. Orange and yellow signified happiness and joy, so easy for me. Red was anger and war, I realized I am not and can not be an angry person, the pictures sucked. Purple was faith which I have a lot of, green was envy and jealous, also nature. White means pure and black means mysterious death which was very hard for me to think about and show in just one facial expression. Last, was blue. Depression. So many thoughts running through my mind in how to show such emotion in your eyes. Being a model is a very powerful thing to do, it's kindof like your own personal therapy session, but nobody actually knows what's going through your head. It's refreshing.
Peace&Love